To my beautiful children,
We made it to 32 weeks, babies! I always google what babies born at whatever week I’m at look like, and at 32 weeks, you’re looking adorable! A full on baby, just skinny. You’re adding a 1/2 pound each per week and I’m so proud of my little chubsters. Mama loves her a chubby baby. You’re each 4 pounds, so including the extra placenta that I’m carrying since you each have your own, it’s like I’m carrying a 9.5 pound baby right now. And I still have SIX WEEKS left. Whew. You’re making your mama really uncomfortable. Like, more uncomfortable than I ever thought possible.
I always thought about getting pregnant; that was my end goal for years through IVF and every procedure. Even when we found out we were having twins, I didn’t really think about how hard it was going to be. It is a physical marathon like I have never known! Three weeks ago at my doctor’s appointment, he told me that my belly was as big as a 40-week full term singleton belly. Now it’s three weeks later and my body has really started to feel it. I had some slight swelling up until that point, but now I have extreme swelling throughout my entire body. Like, my legs look I’m training for the sumo wresting world championships and I’m going to WIN. It’s unbelievable to look in the mirror and see my body change like this. The hard part is walking and moving because my legs are so thick that they rub together when I walk a lot and my ankles are so huge that I literally have rolls on my ankles so they are hard to bend. I drink lots of water and try to limit my sodium intake. The only thing that helps slightly is elevating my legs, but then the second I start walking or standing, they fill up again like balloons. It’s super glamorous and comfortable 🙂
It’s hard to breathe with you peanuts pushing up against my lungs, and I’ve had acid reflux the last few weeks so I started taking an acid controller. I also sleep propped up in bed with literally 4 or 5 pillows every night. It’s a circus! We slept at your Gigi’s house (that’s what we have decided that we want you to call my mom), and your cute grandpa Steve let me sleep in his bed with Gigi so I could be more comfortable. When we were heading up there to their house for the 4th of July, I walked downstairs with a giant black trash bag and your aunt Jocelyn asked me what it was. “My pillows,” I said 🙂 I’m a little high maintenance right now…but I’m in survival mode!
I was at the mall the other day and a nice lady told me that I looked really good. Then, when I was walking out, this other lady said really loud, “Look at her! She’s HUGE!” Yes, I’m being serious. I just smiled because what else could I do? So awkward and insensitive. Well, if I have to be huge to carry you two miracles, then so be it. My friend told me that I should have said something like, “the gym is across the street, and it looks like you could use it yourself!” Ha ha ha she wasn’t being serious, but it made me laugh.
I have honestly been really self conscious going in public and showing by big ankles and legs. It’s been embarrassing, and even though I told myself that I wouldn’t be self conscious, it has been hard not to be! I’m taking good care of myself and I don’t want people to think that I’m not, I guess. It’s weird. I was in church today though, and I saw one couple who had lost one of their twins after they were born; they were born extremely early. I also thought of a woman that my mom told me about who has been trying to have children for 10 years. She finally got pregnant with twins after doing IVF, then lost one of the twins in her first trimester and is devastated. Thinking about these sweet women made me stronger. I can do this. It will be so worth it to see your precious bodies, to get to raise you, to see your daddy hold you and the joy that will come because of you. It is a mental game at this point and I need to try to stay really positive! It was easier for me to stay positive and encouraged during IVF for some reason. Right now since I constantly feel absolutely horrible, it’s wearing on me! It makes me really grateful for my normally good health. I know that this will pass before I know it. I just need to endure.
I went to my doctor again last week and he said, “I have good and bad news,” with a smirk on his face. He said that everything is looking so good that I’ll most likely go the full 38 weeks which is full term for twins. If I haven’t gone into labor by August 18th, he will induce me then!