To my beautiful child,

TODAY IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY WHOLE LIFE!!! We have planned for you, tried for you, shed tears for you, dreamed about you, talked about you, smiled thinking about you, given myself a couple hundred shots for you, done dozens of blood draws for you, so many ultrasounds for you, hundreds of prayers for you…and now you’re going to be here with us next year!!!

I woke up today feeling SO anxious! I knew that if we got a negative pregnancy test, this was going to be a really, really tough day and a tough journey ahead of us. Everything pointed to “yes” this time. We removed the polyps from my uterus so there is a good environment now. I took the human growth hormone to strengthen my eggs. I had neupogen put into my uterus to strengthen the lining and make it extra sticky. If it didn’t work this time, I didn’t know what to do next. I prayed to my Heavenly Father to please let me get pregnant…but at the same time I told Him that I would be okay with whatever journey He wants us to take. But I really wanted a baby!! So I hoped He would keep that in mind 😉 In all seriousness, it has been a bit hard for me. He knows we want to be parents. There is a fine line between trusting in His plan for us and wanting something so badly. I know that He has a plan for us that is better than we can see. I’m glad I’ve had this trial because I have grown so, so, SO much.

I went into work and tried to act normal and tried to make calls and go through my routine. I was SO nervous!! I was literally a little bit shaky and sweaty. My sweet friends at work have been so supportive. It has made this 3rd IVF cycle so much easier. They make me cry with their thoughtfulness! I have literally recieved hundreds of comments from good people who don’t know me but who are rooting for us, pray for us, and want to see us happy. Even if I learned nothing else, and I was the recipient of so much goodness, that would have been enough for me to go through this. It has been so incredibly beautiful to see how good people are. This world can seem like such a crazy, tough place, but when you see a perfect stranger telling you that they have checked back onto your social media all day because they are anxious for the good news, it changes the way you see the world. I am crying right now thinking about it!! These people have changed me for the better. Their comments mean more to me and have more impact than they’ll be able to know. This has given me new perspective in this life and the impact that one sentence can have for the good has been incredible for me witness. One soul can change your life, or even just your day, and the importance of that is not lost on me. I’m so incredibly grateful that I have gone through this so that I can see that.

I left work at 11:40 to get my blood drawn. My appointment was at 11:45 (I work SO close to the fertility center which is such a blessing). I walked in, luckily got my favorite phlebotomist to draw my blood, and saw my favorite ultrasound tech Ashley who gave me a big hug! She got engaged on the night that we did our transfer, and she texted me, “today was a good day! You got silver and gold, and I got diamonds!” Your dad had joked with her that if we had twins, we would name them silver and gold because that Christmas song was playing in the room during our transfer.

I went home for lunch afterward and starting crying. So many emotions!! I started thinking about what it would feel like if they called me later and told me that I was pregnant. I was sobbing! Ashley called me to tell me about her engagement because I texted her that I wanted to know all about it, and she said that she would try to be the one who called me to tell me the news. I told her that I really wanted her to be the one so she said she would try her best! When I’ve received my other calls, it has been closer to 5 pm so I didn’t expect to get a call much earlier than that.

I went back to work and was just about to make a call that I had scheduled at 1:30 pm when I saw Ashley’s phone number calling my phone. I answered and said, “hello?” She said, “this is Ashley…do you want to know the news?” And I said, “no, call me back later.” JUST KIDDING!!! I had originally planned to get up and walk out so I could be in private but I couldn’t move. It was like I was paralyzed! All of my sweet friends were looking at me. Ashley said, “you’re pregnant!!” I said something like, “oh my gosh, are you serious?!!!” It took me a minute to process and I don’t really feel like I heard that much. My brain didn’t believe it was true! I had to call her back later and get some information because I couldn’t remember what she had said. My brain checked out as soon as I knew I was pregnant! I started crying and thanked her.

My friends were all crying around me too!! They are so kind to care so much about it. I’m just so touched at the outpouring of love that we have received. I’ll never get over it. I called your dad and starting sobbing and when he answered I said, “guess what?!” and he said, “what?” and I said, “you’re going to be a dad!!” He was so happy. I could hear the relief in his voice. I hung up with him and called my mom twice and she didn’t answer!! Horrible timing ha ha! Then I called Aunt Jocelyn and she was squeeling and crying because she was so excited!! I then got back on the phone with Tyler and we conference called his mom (your Grammy). She started crying! Then we got a hold of my mom and she was so excited and crying too!! We couldn’t get a hold of a few our family members (my dad, Popsy, aunt Katelyn and uncle Casey). We eventually got a hold of the rest of your dad’s siblings and the in-laws and it was so sweet to hear everyone cry and be so happy and excited for us!!! We sent a big group text to all of my step-siblings so they would all find out at the same time and we were doing a group text at the time anyway. We called my friend’s Oakley and Courtney and texted lots and lots of friends and family. Their sweet messages back to us were so special!! People kept telling us that they were crying and so happy for us!

Many, many prayers were answered today. We are beyond overjoyed. This is the best day of my entire life so far, and your birthday will be the only thing that can top this. Your daddy and I want you here with us SO much!! You are so, so, so loved little one. Oh, you just can’t even imagine.

My HCG score is 524 and my due date is September 5th. What a beautiful birthdate!! I will go in again next Monday to get my HCG levels tested again with a blood draw, and 3 weeks later we will go in for an ultrasound to find out if we are having 1 baby or 2 babies. I am 4 weeks and 1 day along 🙂

We love you more than you could ever know. I’m grateful to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to go down this path because my heart has grown and I have experienced so many wonderful things. I’m grateful to my Savior for helping me carry the burden and making it light when I couldn’t handle it on my own.

You’re worth it!!

xo

Mama

A few minutes after I found out!!

 

 

To my beautiful child,

I have been wanting to write you all week but the Christmas festivities have taken over! This has been good timing because it has been a good distraction. Waiting 10 days is to find out if the IVF worked is somewhat tortuous. I’ve always said that my virtues do not include patience. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that out loud because this trial in getting you here has definitely been trying to teach me that. I’ve learned my lesson, okay?! 🙂 In all seriousness, I’m grateful for our trials in experiencing this because I certainly have learned a lot and I know I’ve grown into a more empathetic person which will serve me well in this life.

So…we did the IVF transfer a week and two days ago. On Christmas eve, I started spotting a little which made me nervous. I have given Google a run for it’s money and I know that spotting in the first trimester can be normal. I also talked your grandma (my mama) and she assured me that it can be common. I had quite a bit more spotting yesterday as well but it doesn’t feel like a normal period at all and today I haven’t seen much besides the progesterone suppository coming out a bit which is normal. Side note – what if you’re a boy and you have to read all of this? HA! This will be an education for you, son. Hey…I used to think a lot of this information was TMI but we all get here in the same way. Well…sort of…many of your friends will not have been created in a lab…but you know what I mean. The symptoms of pregnancy, conception and growing our family shouldn’t be a taboo conversation. Plus, if you are a boy and you read all of this, you’ll only be more prepared when you become a husband. Also…it will be slightly hilarious to watch your face as you read all of this. I’m, like, such a nice mom.

During the last week my other symptoms have included really sore breasts (this happened to me last time though, and can be a side effect of estrogen and progesterone shots I’m on). I’ve also felt little twinges in my ovaries, and random little cramps in my abdomen. That’s the only way that I can describe it. I have also been extremely tired and have taken a nap almost every single day. All of this can be side effects of my injections, though, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up based on those things.

Another symptom is the fact that I can’t seem to want to wear anything other than my black stretchy pants…so there’s that. When you can wear clothes that feel like pajamas, where do you find the motivation to wear anything different? You get back to me on that.

My friend Susan (the beautiful woman that I haven’t ever met but that writes me an encouraging email every single day), wrote me this the day after our transfer last week, “I want you to know that at 1:35 pm Utah time (3:35pm
PA time) section 18-20-13 of the WVU Coliseum joined me and my family
to pray for you and Tyler…YES…25 complete strangers, and my new
friends, prayed for you!” She was at her son’s graduation ceremony and she had the courage to ask complete strangers to pray for us!! This brought me to tears. I was honestly blown away. The people that have touched my life through this experience have made me want to be bolder and stronger about my faith. We have truly felt the prayers and I am going to look for more opportunities to pray for people because it works and our Savior carries our burdens with us. 

Your dad is so cute and I can’t even handle thinking about what it feel like to watch him hold you and love you. Just a few minutes ago as I was standing next to him as he was sitting at the table, he put his head to my belly and said, “come on little guy, stick to your mama! Stick to your mama!” He’s said so many little things that have melted my heart. We don’t know if we’ll get one baby, two babies, or not get any babies from this IVF round, but it sure is fun to dream about it. He sent me a text the other day that had four hearts. He said, “one heart for you, one heart for me, one heart for baby girl one, one heart for baby girl number two.” Talk about a heart melter!! He was making me laugh when I overheard him talking to his mom (Grammy) the other day. He said that he thought if we have twins that it would be best to have two girls because he was worried about going to the principal’s office in school too much if we have twin boys. He said, “can you imagine if Drew and I were the same age? We got in enough trouble as it is!” Ha ha I love it. Truthfully though, both of us want a baby. We don’t care if we get a boy or girl, twins or one baby. We will love you so much.

I’ve still been completely touched and overwhelmed by the amount of support we have gotten from our friends and family, but also from complete strangers. I get messages a lot from people that say things that I really need to hear. I just re-read a message earlier today that reminded me that we may want something so badly but God has the best plan for us and He is preparing us for something better. He puts experiences in our lives that we never imagined we would have to go through and it’s important to have patience.

I go in tomorrow for my blood draw at 11:45 am and then a nurse will call me with the results any time before 5 pm. Yeah….talk about a killer wait. I’m really nervous about it, but at the same time, I try to remind myself that everything will work out the way that it’s supposed to be. I really want to hold a sweet, chubby baby in my arms next year. I’ve never wanted it so badly, but I’m also grateful for what I have experienced thus far and what I have yet to experience because I truly treasure the family unit more. I really value motherhood and fatherhood. I think that I needed to go through this to help me gain a deeper appreciation and I know that I’ll be happier in the long run because I know I won’t take it for granted.

Well….we love you so much, baby!! I want you to always remember how desperately your parents wanted you here. Your mama would give herself a million shots to you get here, and it’s worth all the bruises and the pain. You’re precious to us.

You’re worth it!

xo

Mom