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To My Beautiful Child: The Wait!

3rd round of IVF· To My Beautiful Child

28 Dec
To my beautiful child,
I have been wanting to write you all week but the Christmas festivities have taken over! This has been good timing because it has been a good distraction. Waiting 10 days is to find out if the IVF worked is somewhat tortuous. I’ve always said that my virtues do not include patience. Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that out loud because this trial in getting you here has definitely been trying to teach me that. I’ve learned my lesson, okay?! 🙂 In all seriousness, I’m grateful for our trials in experiencing this because I certainly have learned a lot and I know I’ve grown into a more empathetic person which will serve me well in this life.
So…we did the IVF transfer a week and two days ago. On Christmas eve, I started spotting a little which made me nervous. I have given Google a run for it’s money and I know that spotting in the first trimester can be normal. I also talked your grandma (my mama) and she assured me that it can be common. I had quite a bit more spotting yesterday as well but it doesn’t feel like a normal period at all and today I haven’t seen much besides the progesterone suppository coming out a bit which is normal. Side note – what if you’re a boy and you have to read all of this? HA! This will be an education for you, son. Hey…I used to think a lot of this information was TMI but we all get here in the same way. Well…sort of…many of your friends will not have been created in a lab…but you know what I mean. The symptoms of pregnancy, conception and growing our family shouldn’t be a taboo conversation. Plus, if you are a boy and you read all of this, you’ll only be more prepared when you become a husband. Also…it will be slightly hilarious to watch your face as you read all of this. I’m, like, such a nice mom.
During the last week my other symptoms have included really sore breasts (this happened to me last time though, and can be a side effect of estrogen and progesterone shots I’m on). I’ve also felt little twinges in my ovaries, and random little cramps in my abdomen. That’s the only way that I can describe it. I have also been extremely tired and have taken a nap almost every single day. All of this can be side effects of my injections, though, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up based on those things.Another symptom is the fact that I can’t seem to want to wear anything other than my black stretchy pants…so there’s that. When you can wear clothes that feel like pajamas, where do you find the motivation to wear anything different? You get back to me on that.

My friend Susan (the beautiful woman that I haven’t ever met but that writes me an encouraging email every single day), wrote me this the day after our transfer last week, “I want you to know that at 1:35 pm Utah time (3:35pm
PA time) section 18-20-13 of the WVU Coliseum joined me and my family
to pray for you and Tyler…YES…25 complete strangers, and my new
friends, prayed for you!” She was at her son’s graduation ceremony and she had the courage to ask complete strangers to pray for us!! This brought me to tears. I was honestly blown away. The people that have touched my life through this experience have made me want to be bolder and stronger about my faith. We have truly felt the prayers and I am going to look for more opportunities to pray for people because it works and our Savior carries our burdens with us.
Your dad is so cute and I can’t even handle thinking about what it feel like to watch him hold you and love you. Just a few minutes ago as I was standing next to him as he was sitting at the table, he put his head to my belly and said, “come on little guy, stick to your mama! Stick to your mama!” He’s said so many little things that have melted my heart. We don’t know if we’ll get one baby, two babies, or not get any babies from this IVF round, but it sure is fun to dream about it. He sent me a text the other day that had four hearts. He said, “one heart for you, one heart for me, one heart for baby girl one, one heart for baby girl number two.” Talk about a heart melter!! He was making me laugh when I overheard him talking to his mom (Grammy) the other day. He said that he thought if we have twins that it would be best to have two girls because he was worried about going to the principal’s office in school too much if we have twin boys. He said, “can you imagine if Drew and I were the same age? We got in enough trouble as it is!” Ha ha I love it. Truthfully though, both of us want a baby. We don’t care if we get a boy or girl, twins or one baby. We will love you so much.
I’ve still been completely touched and overwhelmed by the amount of support we have gotten from our friends and family, but also from complete strangers. I get messages a lot from people that say things that I really need to hear. I just re-read a message earlier today that reminded me that we may want something so badly but God has the best plan for us and He is preparing us for something better. He puts experiences in our lives that we never imagined we would have to go through and it’s important to have patience.
I go in tomorrow for my blood draw at 11:45 am and then a nurse will call me with the results any time before 5 pm. Yeah….talk about a killer wait. I’m really nervous about it, but at the same time, I try to remind myself that everything will work out the way that it’s supposed to be. I really want to hold a sweet, chubby baby in my arms next year. I’ve never wanted it so badly, but I’m also grateful for what I have experienced thus far and what I have yet to experience because I truly treasure the family unit more. I really value motherhood and fatherhood. I think that I needed to go through this to help me gain a deeper appreciation and I know that I’ll be happier in the long run because I know I won’t take it for granted.
Well….we love you so much, baby!! I want you to always remember how desperately your parents wanted you here. Your mama would give herself a million shots to you get here, and it’s worth all the bruises and the pain. You’re precious to us.
You’re worth it!
xoMom

Our Parcell Sunday Selfie outtakes from today 🙂

 

It was -11 degrees last night up on Oakley at grandma and grandpa Camp’s house! I thought that was of note 🙂

 

Your cute grandma by her tree that we helped find:

 

The beautiful mountains have been covered in fresh, white snow lately! I can’t get over how pretty they are.

 

Ugly sweater parties. Enough said.

 

Decorating and hosting Christmas dinner at our house this year for my side of the family was a really good distraction from the wait in finding out if we are pregnant or not!

 

We slept over at Grammy and Popsy’s house this year on Christmas eve!

 

Facetime with cousin Sloane 🙂

 

Your dad  testing out his new snow shoes:

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Barb says

    December 28, 2015 at 3:29 am

    Best wishes!!! I hope that the hours fly by for you until you know.

    Reply
  2. Sara Anderson says

    December 28, 2015 at 4:17 am

    those ugly sweaters are to die for!!! and i absolutely love your blog:) can't wait to see tons more!

    http://theprettypennygirl.blogspot.com

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    December 28, 2015 at 5:19 am

    Wishing you lots of baby dust & can't wait to find out if is one baby or possibly two!! Btw i love your blog.
    Motherhood is one exhausting, loving and precious gift from God. I'm blessed with 2 babies a 2yr old & a 2 week old.

    Reply
  4. Jaimee del Mas says

    December 28, 2015 at 5:25 am

    I have to say I read your blog for two reasons. One, because you are adorable and I am praying and cheering you and your family on. And two (selfishly) because I'm on my second pregnancy and it's been rough (19 weeks and I went from crazy morning sickness to bronchitis to now a dislocated knee) pity party table for one I know, I know. But you are such an amazing reminder of how strong we are as women and how much we can truly endure. You radiate strength. I pray you get good news tomorrow but have no doubt you will one day have the exact family you are meant to have. Thank you for sharing this journey with us- and know you are making a difference in the lives of others!

    Reply
  5. Anonymous says

    December 28, 2015 at 6:51 am

    Totally symptoms of implantation and pregnancy ?!!!!!!

    Reply
  6. Anonymous says

    December 28, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Thinking of you!

    Ps during my positive cycle I had weird cramps that felt like before a period starts. I also had sore breasts and no other symtpoms. Xox

    Reply
  7. Rebecca Sapough says

    December 28, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    Hi Jenica! I just recently started following your blog, wanted to let you know my new husband, Rhett, and I are praying for you and your family on your IVF journey!!

    Reply
  8. Anonymous says

    December 28, 2015 at 9:28 pm

    You seem like such an incredible person! Best of luck today! My family and I have been praying for you!

    Reply

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MEET JENICA

Your affordable fashion guide and simplified lifestyle bestie since 2014! Mama to IVF twins and IVF baby boy. Infertility coach and podcaster at Fearless Infertility. So glad you're here!

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Truly and genuinely @orbitbaby has saved me as a m Truly and genuinely @orbitbaby has saved me as a mom to twins and now mom to 3! Why I love it:

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Who are you excited to see this year?!! What tickets are you SO excited to buy or have already purchased?!

This is from Shania Twain last night and if you’re interested, she is still, in fact, the one. (One of the best songs ever!!) #shaniatwainconcert #shaniatwain #girlsnight #concert
After buying oranges to eat yesterday and getting After buying oranges to eat yesterday and getting him dressed today in this outfit I couldn’t NOT take this photo! 🍊🤣

This baby boy is truly pure sunshine!! After all it took to get him here 🤢 #ivf I’m just even more grateful that he is such a delightful human. Your family loves you, precious boy!!! #7monthsold #ivfsuccess
Tyler asked Harris while preparing for his primary Tyler asked Harris while preparing for his primary talk to speak in church what his favorite part of church was, and he answered honestly:

“The treat at the end.”

I laughed and laughed, and I also realized that this truth spoken from his mouth was spot on.

I pray, and I write and I listen and I study because in those moments is when I can hear Him.

I see Him in truth everywhere. He is in all things. His lessons are gently whispering in the textures, the smells, and the relationships I give my energy to.

I put forth effort by my small acts of showing up and telling Him I’m listening and His spirit is the “treat at the end.” And during. And before - even when I sometimes don’t notice it quite yet.

🤍🤍🤍 Happy Sabbath my beautiful friends!!! His knows you by name. He sees you and hears you and ADORES what He created - you. 🤍 #parcellsundayselfie 5/21/23 #sundaybest
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After giving birth to the twins I was shaking unco After giving birth to the twins I was shaking uncontrollably and it was really painful. She laid on me and her weight helped calm my body.

What a beautiful metaphor. Her presence is what I’ve always needed. Her influence carries weight.

She doesn’t need or want the spotlight (at ALL - sorry for the feature mom but I just think the world needs to know why you are INCREDIBLE!) 🤍

My favorite thing about her is the things she doesn’t say. She never feels bad for me even when I’m really struggling because that’s not what I need. Her confidence in me that I’ve got this…whatever “this” is…has been the single most impactful thing that has helped me to fly.

She always has the BEST advice, though, when I ask for it. The best. She soothes my heart in ways that are hard to put into words.

I really, really try to be the mama to my kids that she is to me.

Mothers need to be celebrated from the rooftops!! Sacrifice. Unconditional love. The gift we all need.

I love you, mama!! And I salute all the mamas out there that are showing UP. Imperfectly. And doing it.

To all my ladies experiencing infertility - I see you, sis. Today is a different day for you. Today is a reminder of what you don’t have and would do anything for. It’s okay to be sad and not like today. I see you and love you 🤍

To all the ladies who are missing your mamas or who wish you had a mama that showed up for you like you needed, I see you too, sis. 🤍

(ps I have no idea how the photo of my placenta from Warner’s birth ended up in this slideshow 🤣💀🤣 but I can’t edit it out now ha ha ha. A woman’s body is INCREDIBLE. Maybe it was supposed to be in there. To remind us of what God made. Our bodies create LIFE. How beautiful is that?! So the placenta pic stays 🤣)

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Debriefing the day 🥹 When I see moments like th Debriefing the day 🥹 When I see moments like this, I can’t believe he almost didn’t exist. He almost didn’t join our family! Infertility and a really hard pregnancy, premature birth, NICU time with a long recovery from preeclampsia and THEN Epstein Barr for several years led me to think, “LET’S NOT DO THAT AGAIN!” 😅 You can’t know what it’s like until you experience infertility. And even then - our own circumstances are so different! Lots of trauma and lots of lows.

And then HIM. 😍

The depths of the pain led to the most exquisite JOY! Can’t have one without the other although I’d opt for the “no pain, please” option if I could 😅 But life doesn’t work like that and humans are capable of and designed to experiencing both in our moral existence. And it’s really all quite incredible how resilient we are.

You’re resilient too, even when you feel broken. @fearless.infertility 🤍🫶🏼 #infertility #ivfsuccess #ivfjourney #infertilitycommunity

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