To my beautiful child,
Today was a very special day to me. As I sit here writing this, God has painted the sunset the most beautiful orange. It’s better than a painting. His hand is all around us and we just have to look and notice it! I have the window open and your dad is mowing the lawn. He looks so cute riding around on that riding lawn mower. He’s wearing his dirt biking gear from his ride earlier today and he is all dirty but he’s so very cute. I hope you have a love like we do one day.
I was a bit nervous today before the appointment but I kept reminding myself of a conversation I had with uncle Bruce last night. He told me to relax because I’m doing all that I can and the rest is in God’s hands and He has a plan. I’ve always thought that but it’s nice to be reminded every now and then to bring me peace.
As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was browsing through Facebook and I came across a picture that was taken exactly one year ago today where grandma was still with us. It’s of my mom and sisters and grandma waiting in front of the conference center in Salt Lake to get into the general women’s conference. She looks so cute standing there with her polka dot umbrella. I don’t think this was a coincidence. I think grandma was there with me because I needed her. Seeing the photo of conference made me think about this year’s women’s session that I missed because I was traveling home from Texas so I decided to watch President Uchtdorf’s talk while I was waiting. He has such a wonderful way of speaking and I heard things that I absolutely needed to hear! One of things I loved that he said was this:
“God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy. So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter.”
I did my plan of care today which is where the IVF coordinator goes over all of the paperwork that dad I need to fill out and also all of the dates on when I take what shots and when I start and end certain things. It’s completely and totally overwhelming but I kept reminding myself that I have a calendar to refer to and I don’t have to memorize all of it. The IVF coordinator is really nice and I like her a lot. It took just under an hour and she reminded me how to give myself some injections, went over all of the dates and explained some of the new medications. I’m going to take a human growth hormone for a few days before egg retrieval to help the quality of the eggs. It sounds kind of scary but it’s been successful.
I then met the doctor and two nurses in the procedure room and undressed my bottom half. It’s always a little awkward. You never quite get over that part! He told me that he was going to try a new camera during the water ultrasound where he is able to get a really good video of the inside of my uterus. This is cutting edge technology and I am the very first person that he has used it on. They use water to fill up your uterus so they can see inside and the walls aren’t pressed together. The camera too a while to get in and I was feeling very crampy with all of that jazz all up in my you-know-what 🙂 One Republic Burning Bridges came on the radio and I kind of smiled because I don’t think that was a coincidence either. I have been listening to One Republic a lot lately and I really like that song, so I think it was playing to distract me from the situation. He also took a biopsy of my uterus to make sure it’s healthy. When he was done, he came around to my head and showed me the video of the uterus. The medical sales rep had to come in and show him how to do it. It was amazing!! Like really, really amazing! You could see everything in detail.
It turns out I have two polyps (tumors) in my uterus. This could very well be the reason that I’m not getting pregnant. When you have tumors in your uterus, it’s not a good environment for an embryo to implant so this can cause miscarriage. The doctor doesn’t seem worried which eases my mind about it. He is going to schedule a surgery next month to remove the polyps and then we should be able to move forward. I don’t think it was a coincidence that the medical sales rep was there to have my doctor use that camera for the first time. It made it very obvious for him to see the polyps there.
What a beautiful day, huh!? When doubts or fear have crept in my mind today, I have tried to push them away quickly because how can I ignore that I am under God’s watchful hand? He has a plan to get you to us and we are privileged to see His work in our lives. I am honestly so grateful that I have experienced all of this because I feel so much closer to Him. I have a lot of joy and gratitude in my heart right now!!
Love you, sweet thing.
You’re worth it,