To my beautiful child,
Today was a very special day to me. As I sit here writing this, God has painted the sunset the most beautiful orange. It’s better than a painting. His hand is all around us and we just have to look and notice it! I have the window open and your dad is mowing the lawn. He looks so cute riding around on that riding lawn mower. He’s wearing his dirt biking gear from his ride earlier today and he is all dirty but he’s so very cute. I hope you have a love like we do one day.
I was a bit nervous today before the appointment but I kept reminding myself of a conversation I had with uncle Bruce last night. He told me to relax because I’m doing all that I can and the rest is in God’s hands and He has a plan. I’ve always thought that but it’s nice to be reminded every now and then to bring me peace.
As I was sitting in the waiting room, I was browsing through Facebook and I came across a picture that was taken exactly one year ago today where grandma was still with us. It’s of my mom and sisters and grandma waiting in front of the conference center in Salt Lake to get into the general women’s conference. She looks so cute standing there with her polka dot umbrella. I don’t think this was a coincidence. I think grandma was there with me because I needed her. Seeing the photo of conference made me think about this year’s women’s session that I missed because I was traveling home from Texas so I decided to watch President Uchtdorf’s talk while I was waiting. He has such a wonderful way of speaking and I heard things that I absolutely needed to hear! One of things I loved that he said was this:
“God didn’t design us to be sad. He created us to have joy. So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter.”
I did my plan of care today which is where the IVF coordinator goes over all of the paperwork that dad I need to fill out and also all of the dates on when I take what shots and when I start and end certain things. It’s completely and totally overwhelming but I kept reminding myself that I have a calendar to refer to and I don’t have to memorize all of it. The IVF coordinator is really nice and I like her a lot. It took just under an hour and she reminded me how to give myself some injections, went over all of the dates and explained some of the new medications. I’m going to take a human growth hormone for a few days before egg retrieval to help the quality of the eggs. It sounds kind of scary but it’s been successful.
I then met the doctor and two nurses in the procedure room and undressed my bottom half. It’s always a little awkward. You never quite get over that part! He told me that he was going to try a new camera during the water ultrasound where he is able to get a really good video of the inside of my uterus. This is cutting edge technology and I am the very first person that he has used it on. They use water to fill up your uterus so they can see inside and the walls aren’t pressed together. The camera too a while to get in and I was feeling very crampy with all of that jazz all up in my you-know-what 🙂 One Republic Burning Bridges came on the radio and I kind of smiled because I don’t think that was a coincidence either. I have been listening to One Republic a lot lately and I really like that song, so I think it was playing to distract me from the situation. He also took a biopsy of my uterus to make sure it’s healthy. When he was done, he came around to my head and showed me the video of the uterus. The medical sales rep had to come in and show him how to do it. It was amazing!! Like really, really amazing! You could see everything in detail.
It turns out I have two polyps (tumors) in my uterus. This could very well be the reason that I’m not getting pregnant. When you have tumors in your uterus, it’s not a good environment for an embryo to implant so this can cause miscarriage. The doctor doesn’t seem worried which eases my mind about it. He is going to schedule a surgery next month to remove the polyps and then we should be able to move forward. I don’t think it was a coincidence that the medical sales rep was there to have my doctor use that camera for the first time. It made it very obvious for him to see the polyps there.
What a beautiful day, huh!? When doubts or fear have crept in my mind today, I have tried to push them away quickly because how can I ignore that I am under God’s watchful hand? He has a plan to get you to us and we are privileged to see His work in our lives. I am honestly so grateful that I have experienced all of this because I feel so much closer to Him. I have a lot of joy and gratitude in my heart right now!!
Love you, sweet thing.
You’re worth it,
Mom
Jenica you're truly amazing! I had a polyp in between Brynlee and Boston and that is when I had my miscarriage. You will be in my prayers that this will work! I love reading your posts! You're an amazing person and you have a way of writing! You make me laugh and cry! You and Tyler are in my thoughts and prayers! ?
Aw thank you so much, Nicole!! I really appreciate your sweet words!
Jenica, I absolutely love these letters. You are so inspiring and how wonderful that you were able to use the new technology and find something! I'm also diagnosed with unexplained infertility and will be getting my water ultrasound Wednesday to prep for my first Ivf cycle. He process scares me to death, but reading your posts have helped so much. Thank you and the best of luck! Also I'd love any advice you have while going through the process !
Oh my goodness, good luck!! My biggest tip would be to try and relax and don't schedule yourself out too much. Try get as much sleep as possible and really just relax and don't be too responsible through this whole process. It's hard on your body and mind so you need to really take care of yourself!
I'm so excited you may be getting some answers!!!
Thanks Erin, we are really excited as well!
You are so amazing! I am not sure how i started following you, but I am really glad I did. Thank you for your positive attitude and beautiful smile.
Thank you so much, what a sweet comment!
So glad they caught the tumors before another round! Hopeful for you! God is good!
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Thank you so much!
I am so happy there is a doctor willing to look further into your situation!!! I'm happy that you are one step closer to having a mini you or Tyler. I love how your outlook is on this journey. I am praying for you both that you have the strength and patience to continue with this adventure. 🙂
Thank you so much! I love that you said "mini you or Tyler." It makes me so excited ha ha!
They found polyps after my first round of IVF and then frozen transfer. Caused a miscarriage at 8 weeks. After the hysteroscopy I got pregnant with the next transfer and now have a baby boy! Supposedly the surgery makes your uterus more fertile too… That's what they say at least. There is hope! Good luck!
Yay!! That makes me so happy for you and hopeful for us! Thanks for your sweet comment 🙂
I'm sure your sweet Grandma is with you on this journey. It as my sweet grandma who was the impetus of getting me on our IVF journey(s). She called to give me the number of a gal in her ward who had done IVF. After making a phone call to talk to this sweet "fellow traveler on the IVF road," we made a phone call to our clinic and started our IVF adventure. We had a successful first round of IVF and got our son, then 2 failed frozen attempts, and another successful IVF round to get our twin daughters. My grandma passed away when I was pregnant with the girls, but I particularly felt her love and closeness one day in the temple a few weeks before my twins were born. I know she was and is still aware of me and my little family. I hope you will continue to feel love and guidance from beyond the veil. Prayers for you and your hubby on this journey! Many of us have traveled the road and we're rooting for you!
Thank you so much for your kind message! I know she is with me and this is a good reminder. We are never alone! xo
Congrats on the finding of polyps! And I love the sound of this new camera! Sounds awesome 🙂
Thank you! Got them removed yesterday 🙂 The new camera was incredible!!
I just stumbled upon your blog. What a beautiful perspective here: you are writing to your child who, even though not with you yet, will be in the future. You are thanking God for what he has already done, even though it hasn't yet come to pass. This is deep abiding faith!!
What a refreshing read this was.
Lots of love to a sister in Christ
Jess
Thank you so much, Jess! I appreciate your kind comment. It means a lot to me and is so encouraging!! We are sisters in Christ, indeed. xo