To my beautiful children,
My heart grows about 10 sizes each day and I can’t believe how big you are getting!! Each of you have gained almost two pounds since I had you 3.5 weeks ago.
Here is what my days are looking like right now: I wake up, get ready (sort of…always my makeup…makeshift hair most days ๐ ), and I head to the hospital. I go twice a day to try to breastfeed you. Sometimes you eat a lot, and sometimes you are too tired. If you are too tired, then we give you the rest through your feeding tube. Last week they taught your daddy and I how to bottle feed you and he gave you both your first bottle! We have to hold you on your side and make sure you don’t get too much all at once. We just switched you to cue-based feeding which means we like to wait for you to cue that you are hungry before we start. You have care times each day at 7,10,1, and 4 then it starts over again. We change your diaper, check your temperature (you hate that, Goldie!), and switch the oxygen monitor from one foot to the other. Then we unhook you from your monitors and weigh you. After you’re done eating, we weigh you again to see how many grams you have gotten. You are both doing pretty well!! One of the nurses said that you are making the other twins look dumb because you are learning to eat so well. Ha ha…everyone is just doing the best they can, nurse! But that made me laugh. You have almost gotten your full feeding a couple times by breastfeeding, my Goldie girl. Harris – you are doing pretty well but you like to snuggle with me and fall asleep more than you like to eat lately ๐ We are working on getting you to not want to snuggle so much with mama when it’s time to eat! I sure love that you like to snuggle a lot though.
I’m surprised at how much I absolutely love breastfeeding you both. Like, I love it. Watching your little mouths suck is so cute! I think you have a dimple on your left cheek like me, Goldie. I think it’s such a miracle that your sweet little bodies are growing and learning how to eat. It’s amazing! Breastfeeding was something that I was really nervous about when anticipating your arrival because I had heard that it can be painful and difficult. I love the bonding time that we get. There’s something really special to me about providing food for you, especially since I don’t get back to be with you all the time. It makes me feel needed. I pump every 3 hours and then I bring the milk to the hospital where they scan it in to the computer system then mix it with half formula since I haven’t been making enough for both of you. I’ve been starting to pick up the milk production…go me!! The first couple weeks were hard because I was so sick and also on the diuretic so I think my body is healing and starting to make more.
Your grandma (my mom) said that it has been really neat to watch what a special bond a baby and their mama has. Normally you don’t get to see it as much because the mom is with the baby all the time. When I walk into the NICU, however, it’s obvious that you both know who I am! You perk up when you’re listening to my voice and you try to turn your head in my direction. Goldie – you won’t go back to sleep a lot of the time if you can still hear me! You like to socialize ๐ It has been so special to see the bond that we have and that you recognize me so well! It’s the sweetest thing.
Harris – you are so much more masculine than your sister and Goldie – you are are my little dainty princess! It’s so cute to see the male and female traits in such tiny bodies. Even your cries and sounds are feminine, Goldie! You both make me smile every time I hear a little peep out of your mouths.
Harris – you got off oxygen on Friday night at 11 pm and have been off of it since! YAY! This made your mama so very happy. To see you grow and get stronger and more comfortable makes me so, so happy.
Your daddy and I got to give each of you baths last week and I loved every single second of pampering you both. We wrapped you up in a blanket so you would stay warm and one of us would pour warm water on you in the little bathtub while the other one would unwrap a part of your body to wash it. You were both in heaven and loved the warm water. You both fell asleep and I loved to see the contentment on your sweet little faces! Oh my, these are the moments in life that I live for.
Your grandma (my mom) came (she comes quite a bit after work to see you little angels) the other day and while she was changing your diaper, Harris, you pooped A LOT and wouldn’t stop! It was a two person job and I helped her wipe you clean and then you peed! After we got you cleaned up and buttoned your onesie back up, we noticed that the pee had gotten on your bed. Ha! We took your clothes off and I got to hold you while my mom changed your linens and got you new clothes. You were just in your diaper and I loved holding your sweet little body against me. You normally like to be snuggled up in a blanket but you were perfectly content cuddling up to your mama. That was one of my favorite moments with you so far. I love my boy.
There have been a couple times where I have held both of you and just started crying with joy. How am I so lucky to be your mama? You are both absolute miracles and you have the most beautiful, innocent little spirits. I can feel heaven when I’m with you. I wish I could bottle up that feeling and never let it go. Remember how special you are, okay? Remember that you’re my world and that you are so, so loved. I’ll do anything for you to help you grow and be happy. Your daddy and I are going to cherish each stage of your lives. We are going to take you on adventures and watch your eyes light up as you discover this world. We are going to protect you. I want you to always remember where home is, okay? I want you to remember that we will always be your safe place. I want you to know how much indescribable joy you bring to our lives.
You were worth every little thing we did to get you here with us! We fought for you and you were worth it all.
xo
Mama
SUCH beautiful words! Congratulations! I hope they get to come home soon! Keep up the great work, Goldie & Harris! ๐
Amanda
This is a wonderful post. I'm 34 weeks pregnant with twins. Your post brought a tear to my eye.
I just read your birth story and it was so comforting to read because it was like reading word for word what I went through- except they caught my condition later so my blood pressure was higher and they made me have a c-section (I burst out crying when my doc told me she wasn't going to let me have natural), but had the pre- baby hospital stays being monitored through the night, and was so sick after my boy was born.. Reading your story made me realize that what I had wasn't just a normal birth experience and I shouldn't have expected my recovery to be the same as my friends and family. I'm so glad I read this I'm pregnant with my second & my new doc is careful about taking every precaution that i don't get sick this time but I'm glad I read this because I'll def be way easier on myself this time! I hope you're feeling better and that your little ones get to come home soon!! Sorry about the long comment:)
Did the nurses give you a date you can take them home yet?
Did the nurses give you a date you can take them home yet?
You made me cry janica from the first letter u made for your beautiful children to this one. I bumped into your story yesterday on pinterest and took me to this website. I spend my entire afternoon yesterday reading all your posts (and the whole day today after my doctor's appointment). Your story touched my heart and i shed lots of tears!! Your words were so inspiring, sometimes i read them twice because they were so uplifting they make my heart melt. Your story gives me hope that one day i too would get to enjoy this beautiful life with our little baby. My husband and i have been praying for a miracle for a year now, tried timed contact many times,1 miscarriage and 1 failed iui, it was heartbreaking. Our 2nd iui was this morning and it was really painful compared to the one i had before. I was crying..my mind was in full blast pain but my heart was strong as yours. Like u, i would take all the shots,the pills and all the pain in this world just to get our little sunshine here with us. I prayed before i got there and prayed the rosary soon after the procedure was done. I am glad that ur entire family are very supportive and understands what you were going through before u had ur little angels. Unlike me, I dont get much support from the relatives and friends in the country where i live now, most of them gives negative vibes asking me questions why we dont have a baby yet or are we even planning to have one..it always feels like an interrogation when they talk to me like that..it is hard and i just cry it off in my sleep and talk to God to keep me strong and going. If only they knew what im going through. I grew up in the states, a carolina girl and worked there as a nurse for years and i miss it!! people over there think positively, they are very considerate and they dont drag you down.. I had to move with my husband and he's my greatest support partner and my family who is million miles away from me but thanks to facetime and viber i could talk to them instantly. Also, i'll take your blogs with me as my armour to get me through this and I thank you with all my heart for sharing your journey with all the women out there. I feel your happiness and i am glad u finally have ur goldie and harris in your loving arms. They are really blessed to have u as their mama and i pray for a good health of your family. My 3week waiting period starts tomorrow im nervous but hopeful. We get to see our fertility doctor on Sept 5th (the original birthdate of your angels gold and silver-i hope they talked to my little sunshine up in heaven and said "see u soon on earth") Please pray for us. I believe that with humble heart and thankful soul, God will listen to our prayers.
Your long distance friend,
Carolina girl
๐
Letter to Janica
You made me cry janica from the first letter u made for your beautiful children to this one. I bumped into your story yesterday on pinterest and took me to this website. I spend my entire afternoon yesterday reading all your posts (and the whole day today after my doctor's appointment). Your story touched my heart and i shed lots of tears!! Your words were so inspiring, sometimes i read them twice because they were so uplifting they make my heart melt. Your story gives me hope that one day i too would get to enjoy this beautiful life with our little baby. My husband and i have been praying for a miracle for a year now, tried timed contact many times,1 miscarriage and 1 failed iui, it was heartbreaking. Our 2nd iui was this morning and it was really painful compared to the one i had before. I was crying..my mind was in full blast pain but my heart was strong as yours. Like u, i would take all the shots,the pills and all the pain in this world just to get our little sunshine here with us. I prayed before i got there and prayed the rosary soon after the procedure was done. I am glad that ur entire family are very supportive and understands what you were going through before u had ur little angels. Unlike me, I dont get much support from the relatives and friends in the country where i live now, most of them gives negative vibes asking me questions why we dont have a baby yet or are we even planning to have one..it always feels like an interrogation when they talk to me like that..it is hard and i just cry it off in my sleep and talk to God to keep me strong and going. If only they knew what im going through. I grew up in the states, a carolina girl and worked there as a nurse for years and i miss it!! people over there think positively, they are very considerate and they dont drag you down.. I had to move with my husband and he's my greatest support partner and my family who is million miles away from me but thanks to facetime and viber i could talk to them instantly. Also, i'll take your blogs with me as my armour to get me through this and I thank you with all my heart for sharing your journey with all the women out there. I feel your happiness and i am glad u finally have ur goldie and harris in your loving arms. They are really blessed to have u as their mama and i pray for a good health of your family. My 3week waiting period starts tomorrow im nervous but hopeful. We get to see our fertility doctor on Sept 5th (the original birthdate of your angels gold and silver-i hope they talked to my little sunshine up in heaven and said "see u soon on earth") Please pray for us. I believe that with humble heart and thankful soul, God will listen to our prayers.
Your long distance friend,
Carolina girl
<3 <3 hope they go home soon!!!!! 17 weeks pregnant with boy and girl twins ๐
Congratulations you, too. I am not a mom yet. But I always wish in someday of future, when I wake up I can smile with my baby to begin every simple day. You are so lucky ๐
Congratulations on your beautiful twins!
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