A Slice of Style

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October with the Twins


To my beautiful children, (I started writing this on 10/17)
Whew, it’s a whirlwind at our house! As soon as we conquer one obstacle, the next is right in our way. We’re doing a good job getting through them with the help our family, friends and mostly God though.

Our biggest challenge the last few weeks has been to find the best option for Goldie to eat. I had to stop nursing because I didn’t have enough milk for both of you and I’m thinking it’s because I have mono and my body is under too much stress. Neither of you would take a full feeding from me, so I had to top off with a bottle which would take about an hour, plus pumping, plus feeding the other baby. I was getting too exhausted. We have been giving both of you a formula called Nutramigen since Goldie is allergic to milk protein. Harris is doing much better is way less gassy on it too. The problem we ran into a couple weeks ago, however, was that Goldie started getting really bad acid reflux. You would projectile vomit your entire bottle everywhere. One time it even went down my shirt and was pooling in my bra. I just sat there for a minute thinking, “What do I do?! What’s my first move?!!” Ha ha. My sweet girl. Another time you threw up all over the stairs. It just kept coming and coming and getting all over. I felt so bad for you!! I gave you a bath one night, which you absolutely love by the way, but when I took you out you couldn’t stop crying and I knew it was because your poor little throat was burning from the reflux. I had it while I was pregnant, so I know how awful it is. We both just sat crying on the floor of the bathroom by the tub. Harris had been crying earlier so before I put you in the tub, I grabbed him and put him in his little bathtub outside of the tub so we could all be together. The sweet boy just sat there and watched us cry for a few minutes. Being a mama is hard when you just want to take away the pain of your little peanut.

You started taking a medicine that night called Ranitidine or Zantac. It took about a week to actually start working. I got home from the store after buying gas drops for you, and your dad told me that you had thrown up again..and I started crying again. I kept saying, “she’s just so little, I feel bad for her.” It’s so hard to see my sweet little Goldie suffering. You are so small, and so much smaller than your brother, that I was getting really worried about you. On another day, your bum looked completely fine and then you pooped. I changed your diaper almost immediately afterward and it was really red which made me think that the formula is giving you your acid reflux because it’s obviously burning your bum. It’s hard to know what to give you now since the formula that you actually can have is so limited. We’re working on it! I feel like 75% of my time has been spent figuring out your eating issues. I worry about my sweet girl and want you to get the nutrients that you need! (Update: the Nutramigen and some of my cousin’s breastmilk seem to be doing the trick. Thank goodness! I buy her breastmilk. I was a little hesitant at first because it seemed strange to use someone else’s breastmilk, but I trust her and it’s nice to give you antibodies). 
Now onto you, my sweet Harris! Your ears are looking really, really good. I am so grateful that your cousin Finn had to have the ear wells because otherwise I wouldn’t have known about them. We have about another week and half and then you won’t need to wear them any more. One of them fell off yesterday, though, so I’m going to call the doctor and make sure that is okay. You are such a good boy and I sure love those big eyes of yours. You have the sweetest smile and love to smile at me. You are growing SO FAST and are so much bigger and heavier than your sister. One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is hold you up on my shoulder and snuggle you. I love to feel you sweet body against mine, your cute big belly, and your head snuggled up onto my shoulder. You are such a happy boy and I’m so incredibly grateful that you’re mine. 
Both of you have started to smile and interact more in the last week, and you have been cooing at me, and I absolutely love it! It melts my heart. I was just thinking that a year ago I was starting IVF again. I started taking the shots again in October. I can’t believe how much can happen in a year! I look at you both and marvel at you each day. I still can’t believe you’re mine, and I still can’t believe that I have twins. What a miracle and such a gift.
It’s incredible how hard and how joyous being a mom is. It tears you down and builds you up daily. You cry tears of exhaustion and helplessness, and laugh in the next minute when your sweet baby smiles. It’s not for the faint of heart. And yet, I would take a thousand days like this over one without you, my babies. Every day is better because you’re in it. There is so, so, so much joy! 
I love you more each day.
xo
Mama
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

  2. I had to stop breastfeeding due to low supply because of insufficient glandular tissue, and I tried everything. I mix fed as long as I could, but it was very hard and I was only feeding and looking after a very settled single baby! Well done for making the right decision for you and your family.

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  3. Hi there, (longtime follower) I love your posts to your twins & about your pregnancy. After doing IVF for two years we've just found out we're having twins too (only implanted one embryo so not sure how it happened just yet!). Although I'm so excited, there is certainly an element of how is my body going to do this? How will I survive once they're here? Your posts have given me a sense of calm about the adventure ahead so thank you! x

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    • I'm with you sister, all those thoughts have passed through my mind too! I am SO excited for you. It's really hard, but the most rewarding and joy-filled gift of my life. Let me know if you ever need to chat! xo

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  4. Hi Jenica, I'm going through something similar with my twins! One of my babies refuses to nurse so I have been pumping and giving her breast milk fortified with formula. My other baby can nurse for maybe 8-10 minutes and then gives up so I have to top her off with a bottle (usually formula since I can't produce enough milk for both babies). It's exhausting trying to breastfeed, then topping off with a bottle, then pumping and having to wash gear in the middle of the night! My heart is broken from the baby who refuses to nurse. I kept trying and we would both get frustrated and I was worried she would associate me trying to feed her as an unpleasant experience and we wouldn't be able to bond. I know it's not her fault and she would if she could. I suspect my non-nurser has a reflux issue and we are going to see a GI specialist next week. Both my twins were in NICU and the non-nurser was there for almost a month with a feeding tube through her nose. It is heartbreaking when you want so much to breastfeed both of your babies but can't.

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    • I feel your pain! It’s so hard!! In an idea situation, we would just nurse our babies, but not all situations work out. Just remember that feeding any newborn is hard. You’ll get through it! xo

      Reply

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