To my beautiful children,
Well, it’s official. I get more and more obsessed with you every single day. Also, I have literally been coming back and writing this post several times over the past MONTH because I keep getting interrupted. Life is absolutely insanely busy…and I love you more and more each moment.
I’m with you 24/7, but when I do get the chance to get out of the house to work out or run some errands, it refreshes me and I’m so excited to get back to you. Your dad is amazing; he happily watches you so I can get out whenever I want to in the evenings. I was at the gym the other day and I found myself looking at pictures and videos of you two dolls. I’m wondering when it will set in that I get to keep you? How are you mine?! What a treasure.
There have been a couple times when I have been holding you in the last few weeks and I have had tears come to my eyes because I’m so grateful and amazed at what miracles you are!
So, what have the last few weeks been like? Poor Harris had his circumcision almost four weeks ago and I couldn’t even stay in the procedure room because I felt so bad for you and I couldn’t stand to hear you cry! Goldie and I went into another room while daddy stayed with you. You have healed very well, but the first day was a little hard on you. We would squeeze tons of Vaseline all over your diaper and on your cut so that you would be more comfortable and you were a champ. You’re such a good, brave boy. On the same day you had your circumcision, your sweet sister Goldie was having a really hard time eating because she was so congested. Every time I would feed her a bottle with my breastmilk fortified with formula, she would cough and choke. It was heartbreaking to see her so hungry and trying again and again to eat but not being able to!
I had the doctor weigh her and she had lost some weight since her last visit which is not normal at all. I could tell she didn’t feel good and she was starting to get bags under her poor little eyes. She was so hungry and couldn’t eat! I felt so helpless because I had tried a cool mist humidifier, saline drops, suctioning out her nose with the Nose Frida and a bulb, sleeping her at an incline…you name it. The doctor told us that he would write a prescription for nasal suction at the hospital but that seemed like a very temporary fix. I wanted to know what was CAUSING the congestion. I went back to the doctor a few days later because you had blood in your poop, Goldie. I felt so bad for you. Your sweet little eyes looked so exhausted and I was getting very worried about you. We came to the conclusion that you were allergic to milk. I stopped eating anything dairy and within a couple days it made a really big difference.
During your two month checkup, Harris weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and was 21.25 inches long and Goldie weighed 7 lbs 4 oz. and was 20.25 inches long. You were both brave during your shots and only cried for a second, but you both felt horrible for about 3 days after.
All of the sudden a couple days ago, you started getting congested again and then I noticed blood in your poop the next morning. I was so surprised and alarmed because I have been being meticulous not to eat anything with milk in it. Then I said, “Tyler, what kind of protein did you put in my protein shake yesterday morning?” He accidentally put in whey protein! NOOOOO!!! I literally started crying a couple hours later because you were miserable. I have been trying to so hard to eat so right for you and I was so exhausted at the thought of you feeling horrible again. Oh, and did I mention that I went to the doctor and found out that I have epstein barr? AKA mono. So I am exhausted. I guess I had it in the past and it’s flaring up again because I’m run down. When you go through something exhausting and traumatic like pregnancy and giving birth, NICU stay for your twins, etc. it can really have a toll on you and your immune system decides that it can’t handle it all. I’m now taking lots of herbs and vitamins and I hope that will help. You cute Gram Gram (my mom) watched you while I went to that doctor appointment. She said that I’m allowed to have a break down any time I want to because having two babies is really hard ha ha 🙂
Your aunt Jocelyn was here all week and it was so nice to have her here! It’s safe to say that she is 100% obsessed with you. She simply can’t get enough.
This last month has been full of so many ups and downs. The greatest joy and sheer exhaustion to the point of tears. The hardest part about being a mama is knowing there is something wrong but not being able to pinpoint it and help your baby.
A few of the great joys that I don’t want to forget:
– The sound Goldie makes when she needs to sneeze but it doesn’t come out. It’s the cutest little sigh you’ll ever hear in your entire life!
– Harris’ squeaky cries. It breaks my heart!
– During our newborn family photoshoot, I decided that I would give Goldie my “mama” necklace on the day that she has her first baby. I got chills!!
– Goldie’s eyes when she looks up at me as I nurse her. The most innocent, sweet eyes I’ve seen (besides Harris’…both straight from heaven)
– Tyler and I always say a prayer before we go to bed each night and we always do it while holding hands. Goldie was up when we were going to do it so both held her hand and held each others’ hands as well in a little circle. Her hands were so tiny in ours and I thought it was so cute!
– I was about to go back to bed after feeding Goldie in the middle of the night one night and I had resolved to just letting her rest on me. Tyler had already put Harris back to bed and he said, “can I hold her for a minute?” He walked around the house rocking her back to sleep so I could go back to sleep. He’s an unbelievable dad and husband. It’s hard to be selfless like that when it’s 4 am!
Okay, that’s all for now my sweet babies! We have had a hard week, but the crazy thing about parenting is that we wouldn’t trade it for anything and would do it all over again.
You’re worth it.
I have about a million photos from the past month, but here are some of my favorites:
Oh, and I just found these photos from over a month ago that I forgot about!