To my beautiful Goldie,
Last night I slept in our guest bedroom because I was so exhausted that I asked your dad to take over for the night. You’re lucky to have such an incredible daddy that loves us so much. At about 3:30 am, I heard you crying. I came into the room and your dad was finishing feeding Harris so he couldn’t get to you. He had already fed you and held you while you fell back to sleep, but you had woken up again while daddy was feeding Harris. Your dad told me that he didn’t think I should pick you up, but just try to soothe you in your bed because he thought you might go to sleep more quickly that way. You were really sad, so I sat down next to your little bassinet. I sat there and said “shhh” and stroked your sweet little head with my head. You were almost immediately soothed. It was such a sweet experience for me. You know your mama and my presence brings you so much peace. It has been really incredible to see the way that you react to me from the very start. I would walk up to your little crib in the NICU, and even at 2 days old, you would try to turn your head in the direction of my voice. You wouldn’t even have your eyes open, or they would be covered, but you knew my voice. You would always wake up when I was there as well, when oftentimes you would sleep through the nurses taking care of you.
My mom brings me so much peace. She somehow always knows how to relieve my mind when it’s troubled. I talk to her almost every single day, and when I don’t, it just doesn’t feel right. I’ll always be here for you too, my girl. After I gave birth to you and your brother, my body went into shock and started convulsing and shaking really, really badly. I couldn’t stop. My jaw was hurting so badly, and eventually the nurse gave me morphine to relax my muscles and stop the spasms. My mom laid on me to help bring me comfort…her body pressure helped me to not shake so hard and uncontrollably. She brought me so much comfort then just as I brought you comfort last night when you were crying.
We always need our mama, no matter how old we get, and I hope you always remember how much I love you and I will always be the one that wants to bring peace to you. I might not always have the answers or the right things to say, but I want you to know that my arms are always a safe place for you. My arms will always be home for you, my sweet girl.
The circle of life and love continues and it’s so beautiful to see it unfold. God knew what he was doing when he created families.
You’re my sweetest girl.
Erin Fairchild says
I love this so much! What a beautiful post! <3
Her Heartland Soul
Tears!! So so sweet. I miss my mama 🙁
Cathy Jeppsen says
That's so beautiful!
Kimberly Buckley says
Just saw your Instagram story or whatever they are called… erase paste concealer by benefit is my absolute favorite and MAC also makes a primer before concealer goes on but who wants that many steps with twins 😉
This made me cry and that picture of you and your mom says it all. You're a beautiful mama and nothing is harder than motherhood and nothing is more worth it. I'm feeling sorry that I bothered you with my request for you to help Sarah at such a stressful time. So sorry! I remember when our baby, Devin, died, I thought it would be so nice to have twins to kinda make up for losing one but then Tanner came along and wow! I can only imagine how it feels to have twins PLUS have mono. You're a tough and brave girl and my prayers are with you. The babies are beautiful! XO
Marissa Posniak says
My husband and I are currently going through my own interfility issues after only being married a year and a half. I am to undergo a hysteroscopy surgery at the end of October to remove adhesions all over my uterus before we start any IVF. I just have to tell you how beautiful your families journey is and how gorgeous those two miracle babies are. I absolutely love reading your letters to them and it gives me some comfort knowing I am not going through this alone. Currently all of my gfs are either pregnant or have young children and I find things just so much harder but know it will all be worth it. Thank you for sharing. xoxox
Carly Conners Kenihan says
I love this comment of yours! I'm going through IVF too…and it is so important to know that we are not in this alone! Thanks to Jenica for bringing all of us so much hope and inspo! Thank you ladies for this community!
Carly Conners Kenihan says
This is so beautiful, Jenica! Brought me to tears. I'm going through my second round of IVF now and this lifted my spirits to the moon. Thank you <3
Your boy will always need his mama too. 🙂