My relationship rules that help me have deep, connecting relationships!
I have thought about my relationship rules, if you will, for the last couple of years because I decided that I wanted to be very intentional about the people that I let influence me and who I spend my time with. My first priority is my family, and if I’m going to let someone influence me or spend time with them when I’m away from my family (or let them into my family’s lives), it’s a big deal! I shared this on Instagram on many of you loved it and asked me to save it, so I compiled it into an easily-accessible blog post.
my relationship rules that drive connection
- If I care about someone’s opinion of me, they must be someone who by default gives me the benefit of the doubt. I don’t tiptoe around people, and I don’t have time to second guess that someone is taking my actions and twisting them into something that they aren’t. If I say something dumb that doesn’t come off as I intended, or I have to cancel last minute, I want our relationship to be a safe space where they will automatically assume the best. They will know I didn’t try to offend on purpose. They will know it’s not about them. They will understand that life is complex and they assume my heart is good. This doesn’t mean that we won’t every have conversations about clarification, or that I am not open to feedback. I am! But in order for me to receive feedback and genuinely take it to heart, I need to know that this person loves me. I have a handful of people in my life that meet this criteria! This doesn’t mean that there couldn’t be more; I am just limited to the amount of relationships I can foster outside of my little family (my husband and my kids). This type of relationship goes two ways and I treat them in this manner as well. If I’m going to have someone in my inner circle like this, we also have to have the same values. This doesn’t mean that I don’t love people who don’t, because I think that everyone is different (in a good way), but our values (honesty, love, etc) need to align.
- I consider relationships as a ring on a tree and some people are closer to me in my “inner circle,” and others still have a place in my life, just not as close. I picture myself at the very center of the tree. This has been huge for me, because I don’t expect anything out of relationships where I know the person just can’t show up for me for a myriad of reasons. I don’t think that everyone is supposed to be your best friend, and I also believe that we can still love each other. There are people who are also just not going to like me, and I’m okay with that! I want people to show up in their lives the way that they want to. Many times that will mean that we will be acquaintances and I get to appreciate the good parts of them, but that we won’t be super close which I think is okay for them and okay for me. It’s okay to have people in our lives that are more in the outer rings of our “tree.” This way, I don’t expect anything of them that they can’t or don’t want to give. It keeps the relationship clean.
I hope my relationship rules help you find some peace and clarity in some relationships that you may be having a hard time with! I wish connecting relationships for you. These have helped me a lot!
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