To my beautiful child, (written on 10/19/15)
Welp, we survived the surgery this morning! I knew we would, but it’s always a little nerve-wracking being put under. I learned today that the official procedure is called a hysteroscopy. Your dad and I went to Vegas for the weekend with your grandma (how do you like the sound of that, mom?!) and grandpa and got caught in a big rain storm literally the entire way back. It was kind of scary because there was water all over the road and I was nervous we were going to hydroplane. We knew we had to make it back though because we had to be at the clinic at 5:45 am this morning, so with a little prayer in our hearts we made it home safely at about 12:30 am.
When I woke up this morning I felt super nauseous but it was probably the lack of sleep more than anything. If you learn one thing, let it be this; mama needs her sleep. Like, for real. This is not a joke. Okay, now that we have established that…
When we got to the clinic, dad parked on the side of the building because he knows there is a door there that leads right out from the post-surgery waiting room. They told your dad to wait in the waiting room and had me go to the bathroom to “empty my bladder” (why does that sound so awkward? Why should things like this be awkward? I mean, every single person has to “empty their bladder” on the daily. I don’t know, little one, that’s just the way it is and there are some things that can’t be explained, even by your brilliant mother).
I wore my “be bold” bracelet and my “be bold” necklace. It’s not physical objects that give us strength, but the reminder of the their meaning that does and it gave me comfort when putting these pieces of jewelry on before the procedure as I was about to leave my house. “Be bold” is my mantra this IVF round. It means, “the ability to take risks; confident and courageous.”
The anesthesiologist asked me questions, like if I’m allergic to anything, and then put in the numbing syringe which stung, and then put in the regular syringe where the medication would go into my blood stream, then taped it on my wrist. He wasn’t much of a small talker; maybe it’s because when I asked him if he always gets up this early he said that he does for his profession but he never quite gets used to it and then I suddenly got concerned because I wanted him to be used to it so he wouldn’t mess up!! And then I realized why he’s not a small talker. Especially at a fertility clinic 🙂
He said I would start to feel super sleepy, and the next thing I know, I’m waking up in the post-operating waiting room in a nice, big recliner with a heating pad on my abdomen. I can tell that the nurse is talking and I think I answered a question for her, and then dad helped me get up. I do not remember walking to the car. It’s freaky how much medication can affect your memory!
Apparently as I was waking up, I asked him several times who helped me put my pants on. While semi-unconscious, I guess it was quite alarming that I didn’t remember who put my pants on for me. The last time I asked him, he told me that elves helped him put them on and I guess that was a satisfactory answer because I didn’t ask again. I mean, that totally makes sense.
He also said that whenever he would ask me how I was doing, I would give him the “thumbs up” sign but not actually say much. I’m such an efficient communicator.
Your dad stopped by Macey’s on the way home and apparently I was coherent enough to tell him that I wanted milk, bread, and salad. He asked if I wanted a treat but apparently I was also trying to be somewhat healthy. Go, Jenica. Also, shoutout to my friend Jen who brought me sugar cookies tonight. When we got home, he made me some toast because that’s what the nurse told him to make me, gave me a couple Ibuprofen, and then I was out. I woke back up at about 10:45 am and then fell back asleep until 1:30 pm. Wowza. Dad had put my medication on my nightstand, along with the pictures of my uterus before and after surgery, and my post-op instructions. He takes such good care of me.
After my first ultrasound a couple weeks ago, my “downtown” parts have been feeling a little sensitive and irritated. During the surgery today, the doctor concluded that I have a mild yeast infection so your dad went and picked up my medications for that. It’s a real delight.
I have been resting at home all day and it’s been just what the doctor ordered. Literally. I had a kind friend bring me dinner and others have surrounded us with love and concern. We feel so blessed to have such incredible people in our lives!
I also wanted to let you know that the kindest woman who lives in Pennsylvania has been writing me an email every day. She had fertility struggles to conceive her son years ago, and her son is now 25. She titles the emails to me, “Daily prayer, ” and they are exactly what I need to hear every day. She prays to God for my comfort and it means the world to me, as well as all of the other countless people praying for our strength and happiness. I know that when I wake up in the morning and after reading my scriptures, I can go to her email to find comfort and a wonderful thought for my day. I have found myself thinking back to her emails when I am having a rough spot and try to focus on her suggestions. She calls us “sisters in Christ,” and that we are.
Her email today was especially touching because my mantra for this IVF round is “be bold.” She writes,
“Yesterday, I wrote your name on my hand so I would remember to pray
specifically for you at church AND to set my alarm early today so I
could pray for your surgery…and then I remembered this bible verse…
specifically for you at church AND to set my alarm early today so I
could pray for your surgery…and then I remembered this bible verse…
Morning Faith: Your name is permanently engraved in the palms of His hands. Isaiah 49:16
Aren’t we believers blessed to have a Savior who has our names engraved
in His palms? Jesus never has to write anything down to remember
because His presence is absolute…we are told to come to him and lay
our burdens down…your bracelet says BE BOLD…so today, you are going
to do just that…and we are going to pray BOLDLY!
My prayer for you today is BOLD and specific: Heavenly Father, in your
name we ask you to bless Jenica today as she has surgery…guide her
surgeon to remove the polyps from her uterus and to restore her body to
its Heavenly purpose…place Your palm on Jenica’s head and bless her
with peace, strength, and love that only comes from Your presence in our
lives. Amen.
Remember, Jenica…you ARE BRAVE and BOLD…more importantly, you are
NEVER ALONE…I am praying for you ALL DAY…blessings my friend, Susan
:)”
I think this is something that we all need to remember every day. She makes me want to be better and live more boldly. It’s incredible what one person can do in another’s life. My sweet friend brought me dinner tonight, and when I thanked her, she said something like, “of course, it was nothing.” What you think is “nothing” can be everything to someone else. The support from others is absolutely everything. I am rich because of the relationships I have in this life. That’s what makes life happy and fulfilling.
Both of your grandma’s came over tonight to visit. I think we might call my mom Glam-ma cause it’s funny and “glam” and Grammy and Popsy are your dad’s parents, and they brought us a yummy pumpkin shake. I was craving one and they must have read my mind! Your aunts Jocelyn and Katelyn came over tonight with Glam-ma to bring flowers (I’m going to bring them with me back and forth from work because flowers make me so happy), and we got many texts and emails from kind family, friends and even people we don’t know who wanted to spread some sunshine into our day. Kind words can change a whole day. I knew that before but I really know it now even more.
I start giving myself the Lupron shots on Thursday. Yikes!!
You’re worth it.
xo
Mom
These bracelets are still on sale for one more day (last day is 10/20); there are 24 different encouraging sayings so you can choose the ones that mean the most to you. Use code TRIBE15 to get them for $9.99, reg. $24.95 + free shipping! My sister-in-law just bought the the “like a girl” bracelet for the women in her family to help fight strong against the breast cancer her mother-in-law was just diagnosed with.
My Made my Mary necklace is 14k gold filled and I love the weight around my neck. I’ve worn it every day since I got it. I want to get this “mama” necklace when I become pregnant.
Here are before and after pictures of my uterus. My uterus is sexy, right? People tell me that all the time and I’m trying not to let it go to my head. As you can see, my doctor cleaned out all of the gunk and the bottom photos look much cleaner. What a lovely environment for a baby! 😉
Yea! Such great news girl! Again as I get ready to go through the process as well I love love reading these posts!
Thank you so much!! xo
Sending so much love your way!
Her Heartland Soul
http://herheartlandsoul.com
Thank you, Erin!
God Bless you. I'm thinking of your beautiful baby… How lucky will he/she be with you as their mother!
You got this, Mama.
Lots of love from Iowa.
Thank you SO much, JoAnn. Such kind words that lift me up!!
Hello,
I tried posting a comment a couple of weeks ago but my computer is having issues and I don't think it went through. A friend of mine shared your Instagram page with me a while back and I'm so glad she did. I spent some time looking through several of your posts (very interesting!) and was inspired by the way you write about your infertility struggle. My husband and I are also going through IVF. Yesterday was my transfer, so I guess technically we just completed the cycle! This is day two of bed rest and as I'm sitting here doing nothing, I was reminded of your site. 🙂 We have been dealing with infertility for 6 years now, but this is our first time with IVF. After lots of testing and surgeries it was not even an option for us initially. It led us to the adoption of our beautiful son, Avery, 4 years ago. I obviously wouldn't change any of that, because what a blessing he has been to us. However, I am beyond thrilled at this opportunity that I never thought we'd have. I could go on and on, but mostly I just wanted to reach out and let you know that it has been inspiring to me to see how positive you are during this difficult time and to see how strong your faith is. God is so good and I need to be reminded of that often, especially right now as the bloating and cramping continues, my butt is extremely sore from these daily IM progesterone injections, and while all I can do right now is attempt to rest…and wait!
(It also feels nice to reach out to someone who truly understands what I'm going through, given that not many people know that we are dealing with this. 🙂
Carly
–here's my email address in case you'd like to respond as I do not have a google account and am not on facebook! [email protected]
–csteinborn1 on Instagram 🙂
Carly – thank you so much for reaching out! I hope everything went well with your transfer. Those shots in your butt are NO FUN but hopefully will be worth it in the end. Thank you for your kind, encouraging words! You are definitely not alone and more people than you think are going through this. I wish you all the best!! xo
Jenica, (first off, love your name)
I came across your blog from Instagram. I have read quite a few of your posts and find your documentation of your IVF fascinating and extremely brave. It in incredible the efforts you are going through to conceive. I find the letters to your future child beautiful and touching. I hope this cycle brings you the joy and wonder that only a child can bring! There are couples that are meant to be parents and you and your husband embody it. The way he takes care of you through everything is heartwarming. May god bless you and your (hopefully growing) family. Stay beautiful, and of course, brave.
~ April
Thank you SO much, April. Your sweet words touched my heart today! I really appreciate you taking the time to uplift me. I think I'll re-read your words on a down day 🙂 xo