To my beautiful child,
I was excited on Tuesday when I realized that I could combine the 4 powders of Bravelle and 1 powder of Menopur into one syringe…until I noticed yesterday that I am supposed to take the Bravelle in the morning and the Menopur at night. Um…my bad? I called my nurse and she said I didn’t mess things up (what a relief!) but that they recommend separating them so that my body can process them better. At least I was temporarily elated that I would only have to take 2 shots every day this week instead of 3. I mean, that counts for something right?
I had a blood draw today to make sure that I’m taking the right doses of medication and I got to see one of my favorite nurses (hi, Ashley!) She is the best hugger. When I had my first appointment with our current doctor, she hugged me on my way out and I just started sobbing. She hugs like she means it! I hope that’s the kind of hugger that I am 🙂
Today I was on-another-level EXHAUSTED. I seriously almost started crying at the chiropractor tonight because I was SO TIRED. Oh, man. It seriously gets comical at times. I also did acupuncture tonight and he put a few needles in to help with energy. He is also doing this thing called “body coding” or something like that where I hold out my arm and he asks questions about issues, and then presses on my arm and my arm tells him yes or no if that’s what is effecting my fertility. Ba ha! It sounds like hocus pocus. He gets into emotional and physical issues and then rubs this thing down my back to clear the issues. Like I said before…I’ll try anything. Next thing you know I’ll be talking to a troll under a bridge…
I find myself getting ahead of myself sometimes and worrying about the future. What if this doesn’t work? And even worse, what if it does and then I have a miscarriage? It’s so common in your first few weeks. I’ve had several sweet women reach out to me and let me know that’s what has happened to them. But they’re strong and keep moving forward, like we all have to do. When I start having those thoughts, I have to stop myself and literally say something like this, in my head of course. At least I think I always say it in my head 😉 “Jenica, God has a plan for you. You are learning and growing and experiencing what he wants you to experience. He loves you and He’s watching over you.”
One of the things I want to teach you when you’re here with us is that we all have challenges in life and life is so much easier if we look at the benefits to us in each circumstance. If I didn’t experience infertility, I wouldn’t have met so many incredible women who are also experiencing it. I have met some amazing friends because of it. I have connected with strangers. I have become stronger, and I’ve become more compassionate and empathetic. I now truly understand that sometimes people treat you a certain way or act a certain way and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a struggle that they are experiencing internally. I’ve learned to become less judgmental and slower to get my feelings hurt. If I didn’t have to struggle to get you here, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to become better. I am so very, very grateful for what I have learned.
I went to a really fun event last night for a company called Jane, and I met the kindest woman who is also struggling with infertility. It’s so good to be able to embrace those that are experiencing what you are. It’s good for your soul, I think. God puts these people in our lives, I have no doubt of that.
When I got home from the chiropractor and acupuncture tonight, I switched into sweats, turned on the fire, and ate an English muffin on my fanciest plate because that’s literally all that was clean. I also had an apple (trying to be sort of healthy…) and cereal right out of the bag. I snuggled up on the couch and watched TV for a bit. When your dad got home, he gave me a big kiss then spent the next 30 minutes doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen while I watched TV. He’s a good man. He tells me that he loves me but I already know because his actions speak so loudly.
I’m now going to take a bath and put on a golden face mask that was sent to me. Ha! I’ll try to take a picture without dropping my phone in the water. I seriously cannot get enough baths lately. I’m going to put on the Gregory Alan Isakov Pandora station and smile because life is oh, so good. And then I’m going to get out of the bath and give myself the Menopur shot and get a big hug from your dad to make me feel better.
You’re worth it!
Tonight’s acupuncture session. I couldn’t even feel the needle in my stomach, but I could in my feet. This was to help “draw the energy” up. I was kind of half asleep, I’m not going to deny that.