To my beautiful child,
Whew…what a day so far! My heart is full of gratitude and peace in one second, and then I’m sobbing the next. Ha! IVF problems…
Last night as I was giving myself my Menopur shot, your dad was trying to give me a pep talk. He said, “You can do this. You’re strong, you’re bold, and you’re curious.” I started laughing and he said, “I meant to say courageous.” Oh man, I’m glad I have him to make me laugh. If I didn’t have him, I think I would cry a lot more.
I had a really good sleep last night and got about 8 hours of sleep. When my alarm went off, however, I felt completely and totally exhausted. Normally when I’m not on these IVF meds, I feel very rested after 8 hours. As I was lying in bed trying to think of what would motivate me to wake up, I thought of this coat and how it was so bright and orangey-red and happy. I told myself that if I woke up and got ready, that I could wear it. Funny enough, that did the trick!
Also, as dad was waking up, I asked him if he had a good night’s rest and he told me that he did and that he had a dream that we went to a ball together. I asked him what I was wearing (obviously), and he said I was wearing a fancy black dress. He couldn’t remember if it was puffy or slim fit. Yes, I asked. He then went into further detail (keep in mind, he’s still groggy and half asleep) and said, “actually, we just robbed the joint and left.” HA HA! First, I love how he called it, “the joint” because I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard him say that in his life, and then he described that we were stealing things like bread and milk out of a wagon. Do I have any dream interpreters out there?
As I was getting ready, your dad sent me a link for a YouTube video from bed where he was reading. I clicked on the link and it said, “Funny Baby Videos” and it cracked me up even before I watched it. When we were doing one of our first IVF rounds, he walked in to me watching a music video on the computer (I can’t remember which one now) and it was during a part with a baby on the screen so now he always teases me that in my spare time, I look up baby video on YouTube. He says things like this, in a baby voice, “it’s okay sweetie! You just go watch those baby videos and you will feel better.” He’s so cute. I actually watched the whole video and it was really funny and adorable! Babies laughing and parents having fun with their children.
After I finished getting ready, we went into my drug lab. With one of the medications, Bravelle, I have to draw up 1 ml of sodium chloride into the syringe, and mix it into one of the powders, then draw it up and keep doing it until all 4 powders are in the 1 ml of sodium chloride. I drew up the sodium chloride, mixed the first powder, drew it up then put it BACK into the sodium chloride which means it was now mixed with over 2 ml. Crap!! So, I started panicking a bit and called the fertility center. They said I would just have to give myself two shots so not so much liquid was in one spot. UGH!! That’s when I started sobbing. After hanging up the phone, of course, so the nurse would maintain her opinion that I was somewhat of a dignified individual.
And then this happened:
“I hate everything!!!”
“This isn’t fair!”
“My tummy is already so bruised and now I have to give myself an extra shot!”
As Tyler is trying to hug me, “I don’t want a hug right now, I’m so hot!”
Looking back on it, I think it’s kind of funny. But at the same time, I would probably do it again if it happened right now. My favorite part is, “I hate everything!” Ha ha ha! In that moment, I kind of did. These hormones, man.
Tyler told me again to be “curious,” which made me laugh, and then I gave myself the shots. I asked him to make me a smoothie, which he did gladly (I mean, wouldn’t you if you have the raging beast that hates everything asking you to make you a smoothie?)
I took a nap when I got home from work, and life seems to be okay right now. I know I’ll get through it all. It’s nothing that a few big tears and “curiousness” won’t be able to fix.
You’re worth it!
Here’s the coat that got me out of bed today. Hey. It worked! I’m wearing my sunglasses (40% off these polarized sunglasses right now in the Nordstrom sale!) to hide the fact that I had a cry session about 10 minutes prior. Your dad was so willing when I asked him to take this picture. He put on his robe, had his striped socks on and slipped on his tennis shoes. I want to remember the image of him like that because he loves me. We too the pictures fast so the neighbors wouldn’t see 🙂
This picture is HORRIFYING! Ha ha ha this is the golden mask I was telling you about last night. Bath time! Apparently it came too late for Halloween.