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These are the Days

To My Beautiful Child

2 Oct

As I sat watching my baby boy with his blonde hair and his bouncing curls, he turned to look at me and lifted his little hand to wave at me. His big blue eyes were so innocent and sweet looking at me as he waved, and then he turned around to keep playing with his toys. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “these are the days.”

Motherhood is a rollercoaster that includes the lows of complete and utter exhaustion, and the highs of the pure joy that you feel when your baby boy turns to wave at you as he plays happily without a care. This thought made me smile because just a week prior, I thought I was going to die. Cause of death: motherhood. Having two babies with the flu and a cold at the exact same time pushed me to my limits. No, it actually pushed me past the limits I thought I had and to limits that I didn’t even know where there. I didn’t know what exhausted meant until then, I don’t think. I had two babies that needed me, and still only 2 arms. I had two babies that needed me, and still had to eat. I had two babies that needed for every second, and I still needed to use the restroom. Every move I made that wasn’t holding them made them very upset. So with the highs and lows, what days are these really?

These are the days of feeling completely inadequate when both babies need me at the same time, and perhaps sometimes feeling guilty that I choose to put in two embryos during our third round of IVF. Is it fair to them? These are the days of feeling like I did something very, very right when I see them playing with each other and laughing at each other. I gave them their greatest gifts: each other.

These are the days of feeling more exhausted than I ever even knew was possible. Exhausted to my bones, in my brain, to my core. The days of thinking when I wake up in the morning that surely I’ll be able to preserve my energy long enough to put the babies to bed at night, then feeling like I’m about to collapse at 7 pm with still an hour to go. These are the days of feeling more joyful energy than I knew was possible when I hear Harris do his low-pitched, “he he” little giggle, or when Goldie gets SO excited over something like seeing a dog, or the oven lights on, that her whole body shakes.

These are the days of growth and learning, of me being the mom and sitting down and wondering how life has happened this fast. These are the days of rememering that I need to appreciate it all because I will blink, and it will be over.

These are the days of picking up my little boy, laying his blanket on my shoulder, and feeling his precious and growing but still small body snuggle into his mama with his blonde head on my shoulder. These are the days that I rock my baby girl in her rocking chair, the days when she is immediately calmed when I hold her. These are the days of being everything that they need to make them feel safe, and loved and happy. These are the days that won’t last long.

These are the days of gummy smiles, of chubby cheeks that my face melts into as I kiss them a hundred times, of sweet little feet that like it when I put their shoes on. These are the days of throwing food off of high chairs onto just-cleaned floors, of digging through dresser drawers, of Goldie’s high pitched and excited laugh as she tries to crawl to her brother.

These are the days of laughing at each other in their cribs when they are supposed to be sleeping. They are doing that right now as I type this. These are the days that I’m so glad they have each other.

These are hard days, these are easy days, these are joy-filled days, these are tear-filled days, these are days with laughter, these are days with love.

These are the days that I will hold close to my heart, today and in all the days to come.


You can read my birth story here, and my IVF Q&A here. Love you, friends!

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MEET JENICA

 

My name is Jenica and I'm so glad that you're here! I started this blog in 2014 to share the best deals on the nicest things because I believe we all deserve to live the best life on less. Read more...

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  • One of my favorite people on this planet had her 30th birthday today! She is an incredible mother, an incredible entrepreneur, an incredible friend and such a beautiful human both inside and out. I learn from her and am blessed by her example every day! I love you @rachparcell!! Happy birthday!!
  • We went skiing today and when we got to the top of the mountain my job DROPPED! Like actually dropped This photo doesn’t even do it justice!! I didn’t go skiing last season for some reason and I’m SO glad we are making it happen this year. Where is your favorite place to ski? I learned how to ski about 8 years ago when I decided that I didn’t want to hate winter any more. It’s cold in Utah for almost HALF the year! I needed something fun to look forward to in the snow! ❄️❄️❄️ #skiing #skiutah #snowbird
  • We need each other!! This picture makes me think about when Tyler and I hadn’t told a lot of people about our infertility. We had done 3 IUI’s and 2 rounds of IVF without a baby and I was physically and emotionally sick. I just needed a break so we decided to stop trying and just have fun for a bit. I wrote out our journey up until that point while up at 2 am with jet lag after we returned back from a trip to China (I had a miscarriage on an airplane there!) It felt so therapeutic that
  • This is just your friendly reminder to schedule your dental cleaning! Check out this cutie’s teeth! We had the opportunity to travel to Egypt back in 2019 and it was really special. I learn so much when I travel, but especially gratitude. Where is the coolest place you have ever traveled and would recommend to others, and why? #travelegypt #egypttravel #pyramids
  • What time do you wake up at every morning and what is the first thing you focus your attention on? If it’s different than what you actually do, what do you want to focus on first thing in the morning? (Harris and I rode his and Goldie’s scooters in the parking lot for an hour while we waited for her to finish dance class ) #priorities #focus #2021goals
  • My word to remind me of my intention this year is FOCUS. I want to focus on the things that are important to me, and in doing so I need to save time where I can! The @walmart+ membership has saved me HOURS of time. Almost every single week, I use Walmart+ free shipping, no order minimum on items from walmart.com (excludes oversized/freight & Marketplace items). Head to today’s blog post to see the benefits available to you and how they can save you SO MUCH of time like they have for me! #ad #Walmartplus
  • Hi! Question for you friends who have experienced/are experiencing infertility OR who have watched loved ones experience it: What was the biggest pain point for you? Where do you feel stuck the most? What gave you hope? What made you feel unsure? Please answer any or all of the above questions. Thank you and I love you! #infertility
  • For many years, people asked me how I was able to find peace even during infertility. How was I able to not compare myself to others who were having children? How was I able to be genuinely happy for others and never jealous? How was I able to not feel sorry for myself? How was I able to find joy and gratitude? It all came down to the thoughts I chose intentionally. It’s as simple and as hard as that, depending on how you look at it. The foundation of my life is the peace that Jesus Christ has given

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