To my beautiful child,
Did you like the title of this letter? That’s how I felt when I got back to work after my meeting with my IVF coordinator today! So many nerves. So…here’s how it went down.
I walked in and sat in the waiting room for a bit, then was called back for my ultrasound. I don’t look 5 months pregnant any more which is always a good indicator that the liquid has left your tummy. The nurse came in to give me the ultrasound and I could tell that there was much less liquid in my abdomen from looking at the screen behind her as well. Just call me Dr. J. I can tell these kinds of things because I am such an expert. Ask me anything.
Okay, moving on, my horse was getting too high and I had to jump off. She said that my uterine lining looked great (what sweet words, huh? Words that every girl dreams of hearing…but seriously though…) and that my ovaries were much smaller than they had been last time so they looked good and we could move forward. Holy crap!! I got my blood drawn (yep, still not used to that) and then sat in the waiting room for a minute. Chelsee, my IVF coordinator, came out to get me and she sat me down in her office. She pulled out the calendar and started going through it.
I start the shots in my rear end tomorrow night and give myself the estradiol valerate on Tuesday and Friday nights. The good news is that the muscles in your butt get so sore that you feel like you worked out which helps you justify that extra-ice-cream-cone-that-you-normally-wouldn’t-even-eat-but-you-have-so-many-hormones-running-through-you-that-you-just-can’t-stop situation. Errryday. I take my prenatals (I haven’t stopped for 3 years) every day, and my baby aspirin (81 mg prevents my blood from clotting) starting tomorrow. I go in for blood draw on the 7th to check my estrogen and other levels, a uterine lining check on the 10th, a blood draw on the 14th, and the embryo transfer is on the 18th. I also go in the 13th so that my Dr. can put in the neupogen which helps to strengthen the uterine lining. He says it helps the embryos stick better. I’ve never done this before so this is something new. I start my progesterone in oil shots on the 13th and do those every single day, along with estradiol valerate on Tuesdays and Fridays still. I start a Z-pack on the 14th and the Medrol (which is a steroid) on the 15th. WHEW!! Good thing I have a calendar, because although I am Dr. J, I can’t remember all of this on my own.
When Chelsee told me that the transfer was on the 18th I got teary-eyed. There are so many emotions! I am absolutely terrified to get my hopes up because I know it will be really hard if it doesn’t work. But how do you not get your hopes up? I’m terrified of getting pregnant and then having a miscarriage. People have miscarriages all the time…even late into pregnancy. It would be so devastating. When I have doubts and fears, I push them out of my mind quickly, however. They won’t get me anywhere, and I know the Lord is on my side, helping to carry this burden with me. My Heavenly Father knows me and and has a plan for your dad and I. I’m learning the things I need to learn and I am so grateful. There’s no point in stressing about it! Life is too short to be caught up in stress and worry. I’m going to be happy today, in this moment, and enjoy each day because I never want to look back and regret being miserable. Life goes by much too fast for that.
The one thing that we are in control of in this life is our attitude. I’m taking the steering wheel and driving to bright, clear skies.
My booty can’t wait for those shots, baby!!
You’re worth it.
My view as I pulled into the fertility center today. God was saying, “hello! Life can be so beautiful!” I think He did that for me today because He knows how much I love the mountains.
Apprehensive/excited Dr. J and happy Dr. J, exhibited below:
And my view as I left the fertility center. Gorgeous!