To my beautiful children,
I wake up every day in awe that this is my real life now. I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be carrying my two sweet miracles. It’s amazing to me how much I love you already. I walked into the guest bathroom tonight and looked up at the sign I made before starting IVF. It says, “Jenica’s Drug Lab; Making Babies Since 2015.” The counter top used to be filled with medicine, needles and syringes. I made that sign to make me laugh when I walked in to give myself my shots every day. Now it makes me well up with tears because it’s incredible what all those shots and all of the heartache have led to. I don’t think I’ll be able to take that sign down any time soon. It reminds me that I’m strong. It reminds me that I’m also weak, so it reminds me that God carried me when I felt like I had nothing else to give. I’m grateful for what I went through, because it was so hard, and through that struggle I have gained self confidence and such a deep sense of gratitude for what I have learned. I react to circumstances differently now and I am happier and more at peace because of it. When someone isn’t kind, I try to look at them with sympathy instead of taking it personally. Maybe they are going through something unspeakably hard? Maybe I can’t see their struggle from the outside.
I love you, my sweethearts. I found myself staring out the window today thinking about you and smiled when I came back to reality. What I think of most is picturing your dad holding you. To see him hold his precious babies that he has wanted for so many years will be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I dream of that…and daydream of that too 🙂
You’re worth it (the extreme nausea and exhaustion) and so much more! Thank you for helping me be better.
xo
Mama
I love this post….this IVF battle does make us stronger. And our relationships stronger with our husbands! I should make something similar when my bathroom becomes a ddug lab….what a weird world!
It does make you stronger! And it is a strange world 😉
This day, this post, is so timely.
Even though I'm reading it on a different date it is so God's timing.
My sister and brother in law have suffered infertility and have been going through an adoption process*.
Last Thursday or Friday we were supposed to hear whether or not a couple would choose them to adopt their baby due in April.
Time went by so slowly last week as we waited and waited for the call.
But for some awful reason, the agency took matters into their own hands and took away what they had originally approved. Now, they have to not only wait at least a year to re-apply, but also pay the last (expensive) home study fee Again! All of this done without their consent. They found out in December that they were pregnant! ? Their social worker assured them that this was completely fine…and now it's not.
I'm sharing this, mostly because I just want prayer for their meeting tomorrow and also to thank you for sharing your story… I cannot express how much it has moved me! Miracles happen and hope is being restored in me.
*My sister and brother in law's blog: thecurryburger.weebly.com
Praying for your sweet sister and brother in law. Thank you for sharing with me! Life is hard to understand sometimes. I'm hoping that everything will work out for their precious family sooner rather than later. xo!
Is in it crazy how now you're on the other end of the table giving advise to many IVF infertility mother out there? How cool is it… I love catching up to new posts. Now go rest and pat yourself on the back because you have made it to almost half way already. Good Job Momma you got this!!!
Thank you so much! It really is surreal that I'm finally here. It's amazing to look back. xo Thank you!
I stumbled upon your blog via Instagram & it gives me so much hope! We've been struggling for 2 plus years & plan on doing IVF right after the new year. I recently took a new job because thier insurance covers the majority of IVF! Even though we've never met I feel through your blog as if I know you! I'm so happy for you & your husband. Thank you for your transparency & helping us understand the IVF journey more! ♡
Oh good, I'm so glad your new insurance is so amazing, it makes all the difference in the world! Wishing you all the very best in your journey to motherhood 🙂 xo