To my beautiful children,
I wake up every day in awe that this is my real life now. I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be carrying my two sweet miracles. It’s amazing to me how much I love you already. I walked into the guest bathroom tonight and looked up at the sign I made before starting IVF. It says, “Jenica’s Drug Lab; Making Babies Since 2015.” The counter top used to be filled with medicine, needles and syringes. I made that sign to make me laugh when I walked in to give myself my shots every day. Now it makes me well up with tears because it’s incredible what all those shots and all of the heartache have led to. I don’t think I’ll be able to take that sign down any time soon. It reminds me that I’m strong. It reminds me that I’m also weak, so it reminds me that God carried me when I felt like I had nothing else to give. I’m grateful for what I went through, because it was so hard, and through that struggle I have gained self confidence and such a deep sense of gratitude for what I have learned. I react to circumstances differently now and I am happier and more at peace because of it. When someone isn’t kind, I try to look at them with sympathy instead of taking it personally. Maybe they are going through something unspeakably hard? Maybe I can’t see their struggle from the outside.
I love you, my sweethearts. I found myself staring out the window today thinking about you and smiled when I came back to reality. What I think of most is picturing your dad holding you. To see him hold his precious babies that he has wanted for so many years will be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I dream of that…and daydream of that too 🙂
You’re worth it (the extreme nausea and exhaustion) and so much more! Thank you for helping me be better.